Question: My mother said that there is an unspoken rule that you don’t try to date someone your friend likes, but my friend likes everyone. Every time we’re out somewhere, she’s like “Oh he’s so cute! I wonder if he’s with anyone.” If I skip over every guy she crushes on, I’ll never have a boyfriend. Anyway, I went out with this one kid twice and I know she had a crush on him. I’m afraid she’s gonna be upset if I tell her. What should I do and how do I tell her?
Answer: Yes, your mom is right. There’s a rule, and it is called: Girl code! It applies to situations in which your friend has real feelings for a guy or has hooked up with or dated him. It says that you shouldn’t go after the guy out of respect for your friendship. In your situation, it seems unfair that you have to pass up so many guys. I suggest that you “come clean” to your friend and tell her as soon as possible about the guy you hooked up with. Just be honest: Tell her that you really liked him and didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but that it didn’t seem fair for you to have to pass up the opportunity when you had to pass up so many guys before because of her. Also, a guy likes who a guy likes. If he wanted to hook up with her, he would have chosen her. She should accept that and move on to someone who is excited about her! Hopefully she will understand. A true friend will be happy that you are happy!
About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…