We all seek love and partnership on some level. We are creatures of connection who desire other beings to share our lives with.

It’s human nature. Our biology is hardwired for intimate connection and closeness.

However, sometimes in our haste or “need” for intimacy, often out of feeling lonely, or perhaps because our self esteem is low and we believe we must ‘take what we can get’, we may choose people to partner with or enter into relationships with, who are not healthy or truly aligned.

We may encounter people who do not honor the fullness of our being and may even be outright abusive towards us.

We forget that we have the power to choose, either healthy empowering relationships, or unhealthy disempowering ones.

This is not romantic relationship specific, and can show up across the board: in our friendships, our intimate relationships, and with our family, etc.

Why do people choose toxic or disempowering relationships, even when often times they know better?

You learn about relationships from what you witness and experience in your family systems, from your schooling, from the media, from society.

Your early childhood programming and conditioning influences and shapes the way you show up as an adult.

You compile massive amounts of input and data, which imprint and create entire belief systems within your mind and in your energy bodies.

From all this stimuli and encoded data, you anchor in emotional responses and create deep grooves in your brain, that become your ‘go to’ way of being, reacting, and thinking about certain things.

Your behaviors become engrained and automatic, as you blast through life on autopilot, in an almost constant unconscious state of reaction, operating primarily from your familiar anchored habitual states.

To test this theory, simply go home and interact with your parents and watch how easy it becomes to regress into old dynamics, reactive behaviors, and patterns from your childhood.

Notice how no matter what actual age you are, you can quickly morph into a five year old version of yourself, and embody unhealthy patterns of behavior, within moments of interacting with your family of origin.

In these moments, it can be easy to forget that you always have a choice in how you respond, and that you do have the power to change both the way you relate to other people, and how you show up in the world.

So how can you change this?

Enter Neuroplasticity. This is your ability to form new neural connections and change the old outdated ones. This allows you to rewire these deep grooves in your brain, and essentially upgrade your personal operating system. You can change the way your neurons fire, creating new healthier ways of relating and being in the world.

This doesn’t magically happen however. It requires a conscious effort on your part, plus a desire and willingness to do what it takes to make these changes last.

There is no magic bullet, no quick fix, no instant solution, no ‘one-size-fits-all’ formula, to make every issue you’ve ever had magically vanish into thin air.

Healing is a layered process. It unfolds over time. Even miracles, which can and do happen in an instant, often set in motion a deeper level healing process that unwinds and unravels over time as well.

And as much as you may truly want to be, ultimately you are not in control of exactly what this unfolding looks like, or how long it takes.

However, you can choose how you show up in the process.

The first step to change is becoming aware of the quality of your relationships and tuning into whether they feed and nourish you or whether they deplete you and take away from your life force energy.

The next step is to reach out for support if you are in toxic relationships. There is no shame in seeking help and aligned guidance when you are emotionally drowning. You can learn to release the unhealthy relationships in your life and begin to choose empowered ones instead.

About the Author: Diana Rose KOTTLE, MA, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Consciousness Architect + Soul Alchemist + Soul Alignment Guide. She helps people align with their soul’s true purpose, so they can live their highest vision and impact the world. Diana’s approach bridges psychology + spirituality + consciousness + technology. Her professional training and education includes a BA in Psychology, an MA in Counseling Psychology, and a license in Marriage and Family Therapy. She is currently writing several new books including: ‘Soul Alchemy’ and ‘The Alchemy of Awakening’. Read More…

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