Question: My friend and I like the same guy. I always saw him around and thought he was cute but I never really had a conversation with him. A few weeks ago my friend told me she had a crush on this guy and I wasn’t bothered by it because I didn’t develop feelings for him, I only thought he was cute. But recently he started talking to me and even walks home with me because he walks home too and my house is on the way.
He’s been hinting at starting a relationship with me and calls me cute and dorky. I’m starting to catch feelings for him even though I know I shouldn’t be a backstabber and should respect my friend’s feelings. My friend just got over someone she liked and I don’t know if I can come clean with her because knowing her, she would distant herself from me and talk bad about me to our friends. But at the same time I don’t want to just cut him off. Our friendship is just beginning and he might be worth it.
I’m not sure about what to do, the friendship might not even be worth it because whenever I hangout with her, she asks me to pay for her stuff even though it’s always me paying. Not only that but she rarely acknowledges me after a certain class. Me and my other friend come out of that class together and right away she goes to say hi and hugs my other friend and I’m left lingering behind. What should I do?
Answer: You are a kind and considerate person for not wanting to hurt your friend’s feelings. If the situation was revered and she was in your shoes, do you think she’d be asking the same question?
I am not so sure she would. Unfortunately-based on her actions that you shared, it seems that she may not be as good of a friend as you are to her. If you can’t be honest with her for fear she will talk badly about you, the friendship is not “real”.
True friends work through differences and have a reciprocal relationship. You can’t “lose” something you never really had, so if she “drops” you because you are involved with this guy, it is her loss.
Go for the guy! Put yourself first, but continue being kind to others.
I have a feeling you will soon attract better friends too…
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About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…