I want to offer you some immediate relief from yourself! What I mean by this is that most of us, yes even you, torture ourselves with our thoughts!
In my own life and in coaching others, I have observed that one of the biggest sources of suffering comes from what we choose to believe about our reality. You see, there is what happens in life (which we cannot 100% control) and then there is what we choose to believe about it (which we can 100% control).
We give meaning to everything in our lives and often choose meanings that make us miserable!
We suffer because we hold on for dear life to the belief that if our life were different in some way it would be so much better!
I’ll give you a couple examples …
One of my clients has been in a huge funk because he did not receive a promotion and believes that he is not where he “should” be in his career. He has made that mean he is not successful enough, has been wasting his time, and is a failure. He then used these beliefs to beat himself up which only made him feel worse and zapped all his motivation. He collected evidence that supported his beliefs by comparing himself to all his friends who he judged as so much more successful than he was.
Another client was in tears over the reality that she is 30 and single. She believes that she “should” be with someone and if she were, she would be so much happier. She has made her relationship status mean something is wrong with her, men do not like her, and she is going to be alone forever. Thoughts like, “Even people who are train wrecks in relationship have them” and “Why is it so much easier for everyone else?” and “I’ve been working on myself but I guess I’m not doing enough” took up significant real estate in her mind.
Both of these clients were miserable. Yet both of them truly had nothing really to be miserable about. Their lives are blessed and they are both amazing people. But their beliefs about their reality were preventing them from seeing the truth of who they really are. They were suffering because they believed that something else would be better than what they had.
We all at times fall into the trap of making assumptions. Assuming anything is never in service to your peace and clarity! We do not know that what we believe would be better is actually true. What is actually true is that believing thoughts that make us feel bad moves us out of trusting Spirit as the grand and loving MC of our reality.
I love busting beliefs because it sets us free from unnecessary torture and moves us back into sync with “what is.” One of the most powerful tools I use to weed whack thoughts is The Work by Byron Katie.
By using the following four questions you can ask yourself to immediately turn your beliefs around so that your thoughts head in a direction that supports you rather than tortures you!
Begin by bringing the belief or thought that has to do with what you’d like to be different in your life and then ask yourself these four questions:
1. Is it really true? (yes or no. If no, move to 3)
2. Can you absolutely 100% know that it is true?
3. How does believing that thought influence you? How do you react? What happens (hint: most answers will be self-defeating and negative)
4. Who would you be without that thought? (hint: most answers will be self-supportive and positive!)
The final step is to reframe your original (torturous) belief into something that feels a lot better. Reframe it into at least three specific thoughts that are more true in this situation.
Isn’t it liberating to know that you have the power to INSTANTLY eliminate your suffering by turning around your thoughts!!!
Would you rather be right or happy?
I encourage you to let go of your positions about how life should be and step into the potential of what life is. Remember the Uni-verse is your partner. Stop fighting against your reality because you will only lose 100% of the time.
About the Author: Christine HASSLER, Monthly Mentor, is the best-selling author of three books, most recently Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself From Your Past, Change your Present and Get What you Really Want. She left her successful job as a Hollywood agent to pursue a life she could be passionate about. For over a decade, as a keynote speaker, retreat facilitator, spiritual psychologist and life coach, and host of the top-rated podcast “Over it and On With It”, she has been teaching and inspiring people around the world. Christine believes once we get out of our own way, we can show up to make the meaningful impact we are here to make. Read More…