Question: My boyfriend is always trying to talk me into meeting him in his room and having sex. I tell him that if he wants to spend time with me, he can meet me at other places like the park or a restaurant to hang out and talk, but then he gets mad, talks mean to me and says he just wants to hold me. What should I do? I really like him.
Answer: So glad that you wrote in! I think the problem you are facing is common among girls your age–and even older women too.
You like the guy, but you don’t like the way he is treating you. It sounds like you want a lot more than just sex with your boyfriend, while he is most interested in being physical.
Pressuring you, getting angry, and being mean to you are not respectful behaviors. In a healthy relationship, both people care about each others feelings, and they do things that make both of them happy. Both people want to get to know each other–both inside the bedroom and out. It isn’t all about sex. If it feels that way to you-if you feel your boyfriend doesn’t want to do other things with you, it is a sign that he may be using you because he wants sex.
You can try talking to him about this by letting him know how you feel. You can ask him what he wants from you, and see what he says. Saying he just wants to hold you is not an acceptable answer. He should tell you more about the type of relationship he wants.
If it doesn’t seem like you want the same things, you should end it. No matter how much you like him, it will be painful for you. Of course, you deserve someone who wants to hang out, talk, take you on real dates, and appreciate you for you.
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About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…