Below is a list of 10 things that will push your romantic partner away:
1. Diagnosing your partner with a psychological problem.
2. Determining that your partner is narcissistic.
3. Figuring out that your partner is abusive.
4. Explaining that your partner had a rough childhood.
5. Telling your partner that his relationship with his mother is why he behaves the way he does.
6. Telling your partner that a past relationship is the reason that they are acting the way they are.
7. Trying to convince your partner to feel less hurt than they are feeling.
8. Arguing about the level of commitment your partner has for you.
9. Telling your partner that they are over-reacting and too sensitive.
10. Seeking your partner’s understanding for why YOU are upset, without equal (OR MORE) focus on why your partner is upset.
Intimacy vs. Non-Intimacy
Intimacy does not exist inside of abstract, complex ideas. Intimacy exists inside of 30-second fragments of communication where partners risk vulnerability.
Intimacy is slow. Everything other than intimacy is fast.
Intimacy is having trust that no matter how much it hurts it will probably feel better soon with listening. Non-intimacy is when you continue to push your point over and over.
Intimacy makes you understand the commitment you both have for each other. Non-intimacy makes you feel that the foundation of your relationship is on quicksand.
Intimacy has a certain kind of artistry that shows a little stillness, a few words, and a slight lack of confidence. Non-intimacy often includes strong confidence. Don’t buy it. It isn’t the truth.
Intimacy makes you stronger. Non-intimacy makes you doubt yourself.
About the Author: Derek HART is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Relationship Coach, Speaker, Writer, and the founder of UnderstandEachOther.com based in San Anselmo, California. He has been counseling people since 1990, with over 27,000 hours in experience. The unique experience he brings to his counseling practice is based upon years of doing his own deep inner work. A student and teacher of the human journey, Derek has continually studied the great works of the top psychology and spiritual masters of our time. Read More…
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