The Third Agreement: Make No Assumptions by Amy Moore

Lately it seems that for every single one of my clients, no matter how diverse their backgrounds, the entire “problem” that brings them to therapy revolves around an assumption that they have made about something or someone in their lives.

Some assume about what other people are feeling, thinking, or doing; and others assume about their own futures, and their own truths. Either way, assumptions are at the root of human suffering.

Here’s why:

Assumptions are a disguise. In truth, they are fear-based beliefs and insecurities that we project to tell a story, and use to interpret the world around us.

We suffer because we make something up, and then we wholeheartedly believe in it as truth. We have invented something to ultimately take personally.

Once we take the false-story personally, we then send emotional poison to ourselves and the world with our words. This is where all of the first three agreements intersect, and why it’s so important to be impeccable with our words and not create assumptions that we take personally.

The third Agreement is the Gift of freeing yourself from making up fear-based stories to believe in. It brings freedom from playing out drama in life. When we end assumptions, we end suffering.

Instead of making an assumption, 

1. Approach someone, if possible, and find out what’s really true for them. If that’s not possible, then step back from the whole situation.

2. Consider that you don’t really know, and, that any reality is possible. Consider alternative assumptions as a way of seeing how many possibilities could exist, until knowing the truth;

3. Recognize that the assumption you have made is rooted in an insecurity, and send that part of yourself love and compassion.

You can follow the links provided to learn more about The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word and The Second Agreement: Take Nothing Personally,

For more information about applying the Four Agreements to your life, check out

amy_moore_the_teen_mentorAbout the Author: Amy MOORE, PhD, LMFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a licensed family therapist. As a seasoned clinician for over 18 years, Dr. Moore blends her expert clinical skills and highly dialed-in intuition to effectively assess, support, and empower teens and young girls to build their inner strength and self-love, and to cultivate healthy self-esteem. She received her Master’s Degree and Doctoral Degree in Couple and Family Therapy and spent her early years in the field doing research and clinical work with children in the foster care system. She is currently the founder of “Hope For the Girls”, a support group that brings teen and single young adult girls together in an online mentorship community. Read More…