Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. The last couple months have been super hard. We don’t know how to communicate. Every time we have a fight or an argument he just leaves. I always end up taking him back. In the past year, I paid for almost every date. What concerns me the most is that he gets mad when I want to spend time with my best friend during the week. If he knows I’m with her, he ignores my texts. My friend and I have been through a lot together and I need her to talk to but he gets jealous when I don’t spend that time with him. He says I’m not serious about our relationship if I want to hang out with her too. I just need to know if I’m wrong for wanting both a relationship with him and still be able to hang out with my friends. I’m willing to work on myself, I just need to know if I’m the problem or if I’m just not seeing that he’s just a jerk.
Answer: You are not a problem. But your choice in boyfriend is problematic
He is not mature enough to have a healthy relationship if he can’t communicate without shutting down and makes you feel you have to sacrifice friendships to be with him.
You should talk to him about how he can learn to stick around and talk when things get tough and how you don’t deserve to be ignored or made to feel you can’t maintain friendships.
Also, why isn’t he paying for at least some of the dates?
You can try to work this out, but I believe he has some growing up to do. You deserve better.
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About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…