As teenagers, society and expectations place a lot of pressure on all of you! As adults, there is also a lot of expectations, pressures and so on, just at a different age-level. However, there is one thing in common, no matter what age you are…
Comparison! You got it! Comparison! Everybody does it and here is what goes on with comparison:
- Lack of self-acceptance (this is huge)
- Lack of self-esteem
- Lack of happiness, peace, and contentment
- Lack, lack & lack
All of this leads to anger, hate, depletion, and health issues. I know because I did this and yes, that comparison thing still creeps up and shows her ugly head.
Let’s talk about the lack of self-acceptance: We strive so hard to be accepted with our friends, in sports, groups and such, and how can that be when we don’t even accept ourselves? We want others to accept us so bad, to the nth degree, and we don’t even like ourselves. Then when we aren’t accepted, we become hurt, spiteful, nasty with our words to ourselves and others. Our conversation goes like this:
“You’re a loser, no one likes you, why should I try, I always lose, I’m going to quit, I won’t amount to anything, I never get accepted, anywhere” I know the conversation goes deeper, and quite frankly I call this voice “The Hag In The Attic” who wants to keep you in the downward spiral. The spiral that keeps us far from love, where we fake everything in our lives to be fine when we are truly falling apart inside.
All this leads to the other “lacks” that I listed above. We want Love, but we hate, we want to be accepted by others, but we lack that with ourselves, we want happiness, peace and such OUTSIDE OF US! We all have this within us. It is up to YOU to step into this.
I live an adult life, in my 20’s, 30’s and part of my 40’s living how I felt success was supposed to be. I was very successful in my corporate career all built on lies (I will share at a later date more on this) I thought my life was fantastic and it all came crashing down. I was unhealthy, unhappy, struggling and on the outside, I faked it so much it looked like I had it all together.
I had an exercising disorder, I was an over-achiever because my anxiety was out of control. If I overate, I exercised for hours on end. I built a very successful corporate career to have it all taken away from me in seconds because I lived my life how I thought I should be living on other people’s acceptance. I lived lies to achieve all of this, to have nothing. It took falling asleep at the red light of a major intersection to really scare the crap out of me and finally wake up! I didn’t love myself or even accept myself. My decisions were based on how I thought the world wanted me to live.
Typing this all out brings me to a sadness because this will never be healed in me. This has become a daily practice. We all live in a land of internet/social media and it is very easy to slip into the comparison role. We see, read, watch what others are doing and I must say, everything you see isn’t always true. That is why we need to stay true to ourselves.
It is okay to dress differently than the trending styles; we are not meant to be the same! It is okay to stay home and be with family when everyone else is out. Know yourself, stand to that, if something doesn’t feel right in situations, step out. Do not keep going back just because that is the cool thing to do. There are so many other people out there that feel this way and will not express this.
Have you ever been in a classroom and you do not want to ask a question because of the fear of sounding dumb, not knowing it all, or being uncool? But you ask anyway and then a few others say that they were wondering the same thing and they are glad you asked.
As a result, these are steps to being confident, steps to leading and steps to staying true to YOU. We feel amazing that not only did we help ourselves, we helped others!
One more thing you can do: have a mentor, someone that is a bit older than you, that has gone through a lot of this as a teen and as an adult. Someone that isn’t immediate family. This mentor should be there to listen, guide and encourage you through good and bad. However, it is up to you to bring all of this forth.
The Teen Mentor is one GREAT fantastic place to receive the support. And did I mention, “The hag in the attic” never goes away, but you can make her smaller!
Stay true to your bold voice, your bold self, we are all uniquely gifted and special. We are not meant to be living in lack of…only abundance.
About the Author: Kim BOUDREAU SMITH is one of Your Monthly Mentors. Being an entrepreneur for the last 28 years, she known for being a 7-time international best-selling author/compiler. Based in Birmingham, Michigan, she is also the founder and former CEO of Bold Radio Station, an internet radio station that offers a VIP service for business owners to market their voice as the experts that they are. Kim had a very successful corporate career. Something was missing, however, so she launched a fitness business. Today, she not only runs that fitness business, she is also the CEO of Kim B. Smith Inc. Read More…