How to Heal From a Parent Unaware of Their Addictions (Part 2 of 2) by Anne Beaulieu ⋆ The Teen Mentor™

“You’re just like your father/mother!” “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what an unaware parent might keep telling their child(ren) out of their addiction to emotional patterns.

When we think of the word addiction, many of us tend to list alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling as the most ‘obvious’ ones while at the same time probably defending our position saying things like, “Others have addictions! Not me!”

How do I know that? Because I used to be the sort of parent who claimed ‘Not me!’ when the word addiction was mentioned; I had a very narrow perception of what an addiction actually is.

‘So what is an addiction?’ you might be wondering. I believe the answer is, an addiction is anything that is consistently detrimental to the human spirit. To (re)discover the thirteen addictions covered in part one of this two part series, click HERE to read the first article.

For the parents reading this article, what do you believe happens to a child who is consistently being taught to:

feel shameful instead of feeling worthy?
blame self/others instead of being fully responsible for their own life?
guilt trip others instead of operating from a place of integrity?
feel disempowered instead of feeling empowered?
feel non-trusting and non-trustworthy instead of feeling trustful and trustworthy?
feel rageful instead of feeling peaceful?
feel “not good enough” instead of believing they are enough?
want to be right instead of doing what is right?
want approval/validation from others instead of being accepting of who they are?
be non-assertive and afraid to speak up instead of owning and claiming their voice?
be nice instead of being authentic/real?
feel constantly sad and depressed instead of being present in the moment?
be non-accountable instead of fully taking charge of their thoughts, words, feelings, and decisions?

For the teens reading this article, what do you believe happens to you when a parent is consistently teaching you to:

feel shameful instead of feeling worthy?
blame self/others instead of being fully responsible for your own life?
guilt trip others instead of operating from a place of integrity?
feel disempowered instead of feeling empowered?
feel non-trusting and non-trustworthy instead of feeling trustful and trustworthy?
feel rageful instead of feeling peaceful?
feel Not good enough instead of believing you are enough?
want to be right instead of doing what is right?
wants approval / validation from others instead of being accepting of who you are?
feel non-assertive and afraid to speak up instead of owning and claiming your voice?
be nice instead of being authentic/real?
be sad and depressed instead of being present in the moment?
be non-accountable instead of fully taking charge of your thoughts, words, feelings, and decisions?

I believe the answer is, WE ALL LOSE!

Here are thirteen strategies to assist you in healing your life and becoming a leading example of what you wish to see around you:

#1. Become self-aware. Take the time to really know yourself. One way of doing that is by consistently asking yourself, ‘What do you need right now?’ and ‘What is it that I really want?’ Make it a way of life to become super specific in declaring your wants and needs. When we own who we are, it is increasingly difficult for others to shame us in any way, shape, or form. Know yourself. It’s your greatest strength.

#2. Let go of cliches and catch phrases. Pay close attention to how you speak to yourself and others. Understand that cliches and catch phrases often tend to feed dysfunctionality in self and others. Make it a point to use positive words. Why? Because you are the first person who hears everything you think/say.

#3. Question every belief you hold. Looking at the sun from a mountain top or from behind prison bars is a matter of perspective. A belief is anything that prevents any of us from expanding our mind and entertaining various perspectives. Not everything you believe is true. Build discernment.

#4. Develop a positive mantra such as “I choose me.” “I am open to know.” “I am willing to receive.” “I am deserving of a great love.” “I am enough.” “I am wholesome.” “I am fully present into my life.” Your brain belongs to you. Positively rewire yourself.

#5. Accept you are 100% responsible for your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. Behave accordingly.

#6. Embrace the silver lining in all situations. Every person and situation is an opportunity to learn, heal, and grow. Are you a student of life or a victim of life?

#7. Make yourself a priority in your own life. You deserve taking the time to know what you really want and what you need. Take positive actions to fulfill your own needs.

#8. Make it your job to make you happy. You are the only one responsible for your happiness.

#9. Do daily random acts of kindness. Genuinely smile at others and give them a kind word, for we are all battling something within. We all deserve happiness.

#10. Have your younger self write you a love note. Ask them to say what they appreciate about you. Read this note often. Become the hero of your inner child.

#11. Practice happiness. Let go of wanting to be right. People who ‘love’ being right are usually uptight, anxious, worry, with a massive desire to please others. Choose to be happy. Your happiness matters!

#12. Be you. Do you. Love you. You are wholesome. You are enough.

#13. If you feel you need more help … contact an Emotional Intelligence coach, mentor, counsellor, or therapist. No one does it alone! Claim the life you deeply want. It’s never too late to change.

In conclusion, addictions go beyond the ‘obvious’ ones such as alcohol, drugs, sex, and gambling. There actually is a whole wide range of addictions that may keep eating at the self-worth of people who are unaware they are pelting or scooping up emotional patterns. Saying “I did the best I could with what I had” falls drastically short of changing one’s life for the better.

BECOME THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE AROUND YOU.

I believe in you.
Your Emotional Intelligence coach, Anne

About the Author: Anne BEAULIEU is one of Your Monthly Mentors, an international speaker, empowering coach, and thought leader in the field of Emotional Intelligence and the Founder of Walking Inside Resources Inc. based in Vancouver, British Columbia. As an accomplished author and community builder, Anne is a powerful catalyst for positive change and embodies successful life strategies that keep empowering men and women across the globe. Read More…