Question: I like my friends crush and she likes me. We both feel stuck because we want to pursue something but out of respect for my friend I feel like we shouldn’t and that’s the part that’s hard because we both like each other a lot. The only thing stopping us is him. And now I’m left not knowing what to do or what to say to him. I desperately need help.
Answer: Ouch! Okay, this can be painful. Your heart is in the right place wanting to protect your friend. However, if this girl isn’t interested in your friend and is interested in you-and you know this for sure- letting him believe that he has a chance with her is actually not helping him. It is hurting him as it is preventing him from moving on to develop feelings for another girl who would actually want to date him.
This is a hard conversation to have, but my advice is to just be honest! Go to him first and talk to him about this before you start dating her. Tell him that you would never want to do anything to get in the way of your friendship and that as a friend, you feel you owe it to him to always be honest.
Then tell him you developed feelings for this girl-that you wish you didn’t and liked someone else who was not his crush. Tell him that you would like to date her and that she would like to date you and the only reason you aren’t is because you didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Help him to realize that there is another girl out there for him. Maybe even offer to help him find her or set him up with someone. This is the best thing you can do.
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About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…
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