Question: My boyfriend is controlling and possessive! He always get’s mad when I want to go out with my family or other friends. I know it’s possessive and I know it’s not okay for him to do it. I always tell him that what he’s doing is wrong but his answer is always, “Then why are you with me?”
When I try to end things, he starts telling me about all the things he did for me when I moved out of my house and in with him. He has always been supportive and helped me out a lot FINANCIALLY.
With that being said, he always throws it in my face when I want to end things. I feel bad because he helped me out so much, but I feel trapped now! I don’t know how to get out without feeling like I was a “freeloader” the whole time. Please help!
Answer: I am so glad that you reached out. I am not going to sugar coat things: The relationship you are in is toxic, and you should end it as soon as possible.
It is not healthy for you to stay with this guy. His behavior is abusive and is likely to get worse unless he seeks counseling.
Your gut instinct to end things is correct. Do not let guilt stop you. He has helped you in the past. Tell him that you are grateful for that, but staying together now will only hurt you both.
Please do whatever it takes to end this and move forward. There is really no way you should stay with him now. If he is willing to go to counseling and comes back after the breakup as a changed person, you could consider giving him a chance. But, in my heart, I think your best bet is to to end it without looking back.
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About the Expert: Rachel RUSSO, MS, MFT is one of Your Monthly Mentors, a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for twelve years. She currently acts as the resident relationship expert on Brooklyn Savvy Tv, is a matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, and trains entrepreneurs at Matchmaking Institute. Her drive, credentials, and unique experience make her the ultimate dating and relationship expert. Read More…
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