Everyone is inferior to someone else in someway. Knowing that fact is a big step in overcoming the deeper issue of feeling inferior. Who hasn’t observed someone else, and thought, ‘yup they’re better than me at __fill in the blank____?” I believe at some point, we all have. I know I have.
Feeling inferior can only occur if one is choosing to take the action of comparing themselves to another and that choice in that action stems from low self-esteem.
Feeling inferior and backing up that feeling with the action of comparison was a problem that I had to overcome. I wasted countless years, months, days, hours, energy, tears and sadly opportunities in having made those choices.
I should have let that knowledge of inferiority and the desire to be more than what I was fuel me to make the choices to find ways to learn, become better and empower myself.
Sometimes it did, but most cases I chose to let inferiority and my low self esteem undermined my thoughts. I would choose to back down from my goals, choose to not go for opportunities, choose to remain small and sometimes choose to steer away from my goals and dreams. I ended up deeply saddened and that fed my low self-esteem. This fuelled my com~paranoia & self-sabotage and sadly I missed out on great opportunities because my focus was on wishing I was more like someone else instead of doing the work on becoming the best version of ME.
The act of comparing ourselves to someone else is the act of robbery. By that I mean you are robbing yourself of the precious time, energy, action and love that you could be using to focus on investing into yourself and becoming the best version of ‘YOU’ that you can be and that no one else EVER could. The world needs your developed gifts and talents brought forth in a way that only you could deliver them.
The only way to develop your gifts and talents and improve your skills is to focus on YOU, invest into yourself. Stoke your own fire if you will by keeping your eyes on your own fire instead of staring at another’s and letting yours fade to embers . Make decisions, make choices and take actions that support the growth of YOU.
The person you are comparing yourself to and wishing you could be, already exists. Their spot is spoken for, taken up by ‘them’. You can never be them. If you focus your energy on trying to be like them you are simply going to be a replica of them.
You cannot be that person, for the vital reason that ‘YOU’ need to be YOU! There is only one ‘YOU’ and if you will not be you, then who will be?
That person you are carelessly spending your time comparing yourself to, could never be who YOU are! Nor do the incredible things that you do, in the unique ways you do them. Not even if they tried and here’s the thing… they’re not trying to. They are too busy being and building themselves. They are too busy investing into themselves and their shortcomings to strengthen their weaknesses. Which is what each of us should be doing. Expending our energy on being our individual selves, developing our own individual skills and and strengthening our weaknesses. Hence becoming superior in our own lives. If we spent our time and energy doing that we would have little time if any, to be distracted on what others are doing, or bothered by what they think of us. It simply would not matter. Nor should it.
Feeling inferior is a choice we make. Just as easily we could decide to ignore the temptation of comparison and spend our time, energy and thoughts on discovering ways to improve ourselves, become better at the things we want to excel at.
Here are just a few more thoughts about shifting your focus from inferiority to improving oneself to be the best version one can be.
Knowledge is power! So ‘know’ don’t ‘feel’.
Knowing that there will always be others who are better than you at something or know more than you, is a key element of your power. Don’t feel anything about it, accept it and know this fact. Then decide if better is what you would like to be. If that is your desire then “Do the best you can until you know better, then when you know better~do better” -Maya Angelou. Continue to do better and always make choices that support that and eventually you will be better.
Perceptions: Inferiorities or Strengths
Noticing and then focusing on your inferiorities is a choice. You could just as easily decide to focus on your strengths and build upon those which shifts the focus from other people to yourself. Stoke your own fire. Then take that ‘stoked fire’ feel good strength and focus on the continual building up of your weaker areas to match the strength of your stronger areas. Then you will have a blazing fire within.
Feeling Inferior is a fear based choice of emotion.
Kerwin Rae believes that we were born with only 2 fears, loud noises and falling and that any other fears we have are inherited or borrowed from something someone said, or something someone told us or projected on to us, and we took it to be not only true but we took ownership of and carried with us through our own lives. Realize you do not have to own someone else’s fears. So take anything that someone might say to you to make you feel inferior with a grain of salt and do not own their stuff.
Replicating is not Authentic
Wanting to be like someone else is like wanting to replicate ‘them’. You are not them – you are you. Inferiority complexes are fuelled by and thrive on people wanting to be someone they are not. The replica is never authentic. Let them be them and you be you!
No one is like you. Embrace your imperfections and cultivate and create the uniqueness of you.
Cultivate what you Want and fertilize it with PATIENCE & Compassion.
Rome was not built in a day, neither will you be. Be patient in your growth and nurture yourself with compassion. Know that what you invest your thoughts and actions into now will be cultivated within and then be exposed for better or for worse along your journey. You decide within your decisions and actions what will spring forth as you go forward in life. Every decision, choice and action support what unfolds and happens.
Learn from others Journeys
Seek stories of people who have overcome shortcomings or obstacles. People who are different or who didn’t know things until they learned them or experienced them and then became who they are today and unlike anyone else to this day. Ed Sheeran is an incredible example of this. He liked what other musicians did but he didn’t try to be like them he learned all the skills he didn’t know how to do, learned all he could to become ‘himself’ and do HIM like no one else could.
It all goes back to your focusing on your what you want, on your own improvement. On the decisions, choices and actions to support you into developing and becoming the best version of yourself regardless what anyone else’s journey looks like.
Rest assured you have all that you need within you to become YOU!
I am living proof that “You are more than enough…you already are who you wish to become”
About the Author: Steely SPRINGHAM is one of Your Monthly Mentors, ‘Perspective Whisperer’ & Confidence Coach, defied the odds and stepped onto her first competitive stage in the world of Figure & Fitness in 2011, at the age of 42. In 5 short years, Steely earned National level status & won the coveted BC Provincial Champion Overall Masters Figure Title in 2015. This former Top-10 recording artist turned her passion for fitness into her present day career. She is currently a Certified Behaviour Change Specialist, an ACE certified personal trainer, a Confidence Coach, specializing in competition posing, mental preparation for athletes in her sport and in public speaking and confidence coaching for 8-12 year olds. Learn More…